The End...or Just the Beginning!

My 8 weeks is up! What a trip! I didn't loose any pounds, but I have gained knowledge about myself, and I have gained muscle. I have learned a lot about how far I can push myself, and that I am not going to die if I speed up the treadmill and raise my weights by a few numbers. I might be sore for a few days, but the next time I go to work on myself it's easier, and I feel stronger. It's not enough to just work out and continue living my life as normal. I have had to change the way I eat, and the way I think about myself. It's been easier to exercise than to eat right all the time. I have so many addictions, and I feel out of control if I give into my temptations. I know that it is my choice to eat all of those bad carbohydrates, but it's also my choice to eat veggies instead. The feelings I have toward myself are improving. My self-esteem is much better. I know that if I keep working on this I will succeed and reach my goal.
So for now I am done with the 8 week program, but it's just the beginning of a healthy life for myself.

Solar Plexus

I have been self sabotaging myself for too long. Everything that I have done lately I have been punishing myself for, even though I am working out; I feel bad that I have let everything else around me "take the back seat". I have also stopped taking my vitamins, drinking water, and getting the healing work that I so desperately need. I feel like I have neglected my son and boyfriend, because all of my focus has been on loosing weight. So I have 3 more days left to this challenge, and I have let my power drop, and I stopped pushing myself. I am going to have to do this on my own from now on. What if I didn't self sabotage and I continued to work out, the weight would probably just fall off.

It's Tuesday

It's another day, and I missed my 6am class again. The storm last night kept me up and I fell asleep again right before my alarm went off! But I do plan on getting some good exercise in today. I am going to take a walk with my dog Jade, and burn some calories! I have been comforting myself with the some sweets the last couple of days.

wake up call

Sometimes things happen to wake us up from our monotonous routines, and from our way of thinking. It's easy to take life for granted, and this last weekend I had a major life changing experience. My father had a heat stroke and his heart failed; he has a history of high blood pressure caused from eating unhealthy, laying around, and stress. I can't change how he lives, but I can change how I live. It's important to live each day as if it is the last, I have heard that before, but I get stuck in a routine, and I often forget how precious each day is. I am taking this experience and turning it into something positive for myself. I have found my motivation. I want to be around for my family, and now it's not even about getting slimmer, it's about making my body as healthy as it can be.

What a week

Well with only a week and a half left to go; leave it to my body to malfunction. Monday I strained my foot and now I am very limited on my workout routine. I am so disappointed in my body; here I am trying to move forward and get healthy, and my knee goes out one week, my shoulder last week, and now my foot...what is next? I can still do Pumptime on Monday and Tuesday, Yoga will be ok next week, but the cardio is going to have to wait because I can't have any high impact on the foot. I could try swimming next week? It's just so frustrating that I am always taking one step forward and two steps back; I feel like Paula Abdule!

So last week I only worked out a couple of days, and this week I will only make it to two classes. Next week is the last week of boot camp, and I have not come close to meeting my goal. I am really trying hard not to get discouraged because I have entered a life of movement, and I know I have lost some inches and gained muscle tone, so I keep thinking about that. BUT, why haven't I lost any weight? I haven't been eating terrible, I do give myself free days, and I haven't cut out sweets entirely, but with all of the added exercise I should have at least dropped a couple of pounds.

So I need to make an action plan! I would really like to take some cooking classes, does anyone know where I can do that? I want to learn how to cook healthy food, and possibly break the cycle of junk food in this house. How can I get my son and boyfriend to eat healthy, so that it will be easier for me to eat healthy? It's so easy to stop at McDonalds and grab a happy meal, or order a pizza when I am running low on energy or time. When school starts I will have even less time to prepare healthy meals. Does anyone want to trade for cooking classes??

A dear friend said something to me yesterday that really struck a chord with me. She said, "you have your emotions in a cage, and if it's not in your plans to have certain emotions then you don't let them out without a note from mom" (Or something like that). I do keep my emotions in check, and under control, and I am really good at holding them in. I would like to be more outspoken about my feelings, especially at home, but I don't really know how to communicate them without an explosion. I do feel like if I can just be honest with my feelings, and learn how to let go....I will drop the excess baggage; the extra weight will fall off. I guess I feel like negative emotions should not be expressed because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. If I don't have anything nice to say, I don't say anything at all. Apparently that's not working for me. What to do?

Big weekend ahead of me, lots of temptation...baby shower, and bachelorette party! It's really going to be a test of my will power with all of the junk around. So wish me luck!

It's a Monday

What a day! I was not a happy camper this morning when I woke up; I was a grumpy girl :) Even though I was in a blue mood, I still stuck with my program, so that I am proud of. I did feel better after my workout this afternoon; it's all about those endorphins! My mood has improved, and I think that I feel like I am in a place now that I can keep going. It's a scary to think that I am 2 weeks away from finishing this Boot Camp, and I feel like I still have so far to go. Jen has given me a lot of tools and I know that I will continue to go to the gym on a regular basis, but I worry that I will not have the motivation to keep going every day. I would love to sign up for another 8 week round, but since I am starting back to school, the schedule just doesn't work in my favor. I will need to create my own schedule, I think the early mornings are going to be the only time I will have available. I would really like to take up swimming; I feel like I could get a really good cardio workout without putting so much stress on my joints. Since I started this program I have had my knees get weak (which is no surprise), I have strained my shoulder, and today I strained my foot...I am getting old at my young age! So swimming seems like a logical thing to get involved with, and I will add some weight training in there as well. I hate the treadmill and I really don't like the bike, so swimming and walking are my best options. I like that the Y has dance classes available, and I can take all the Yoga classes I can.
So it's just the motivation that I need to hold onto..the rest will fall into place.

Balance

I took the rest of the week off from my exercise program, it just didn't work out for me to go this week. I did stay active though; I went on walks, danced, and deep cleaned my apartment. I am afraid that I am loosing motivation to go work out. I feel really good when I am there, and after I am done, but I also feel like it's taking up a lot of my spare time. I wish that there were more 6am classes so that I could have the rest of my day to accomplish all of my goals. There isn't enough time in the day. After this boot camp is over; I am going to have to push myself to get motivated to go to the gym every morning at 6am, even in the winter. It's really tough to make time for myself sometimes, especially when there is so much to be done. I have been feeling like the rest of my life is becoming sort of cluttered because I am putting all of my effort, and energy into this program.
I know how important exercising is, and I know that I am benefiting physically from it, but at the cost of having a messy house, and no time with my family. So I am going to finish this program, and then begin my own routine. I feel really frustrated with myself because I haven't been able to find balance with my life. How am I supposed to make it all work?

Getting Closer

My internet was acting up yesterday so I wasn't able to update.
I felt lost in my workout yesterday. I didn't feel like I was pushing myself hard enough and I started to feel kind of sad about it. I feel like I have been working so hard, and I just haven't seen big enough results. I know there are a lot of changes happening, I can feel a shift, but I also feel like I am not letting go of the weight fast enough.
I will keep working, and I will not give up.
I did hurt my shoulder yesterday, maybe I thought that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough, and then ended up pushing myself too far.
In the next year I will be down to at least 170, that was where I was before I got pregnant 5 years ago.
Today, I just feel....blah....Im not excited, and I am not down...just blahhh....

End of week 5

I have been slacking on writing this blog every day.
Yesterday I cut a minute off of my mile! I am the only one that walks in the class; everyone else runs. So on my lonesome walk I was really feeling let down by my body; it's not fair that everyone else can run, jump, and ride bikes. I don't know why my knees have to be so bad, and I envy people that can do those things without feeling joint pain. I understand that walking is great cardio, but I just can't help wanting to be able to run with the rest of the group. My wise friend once told me that having knee pain was because I am afraid to move forward. But right now I am facing that I and I am ready to move forward, and I feel like I am moving forward. Soon; my knees will feel stronger, but I don't know if I will ever be able to run and jump.
I do see a shift in my body, and my mind. It's just beginning to take form right now, and I predict that in a year; I will see myself in a completely different way. My guess is 50-70 lbs less in a year, and maybe more if I keep up the hard work.