The End...or Just the Beginning!

My 8 weeks is up! What a trip! I didn't loose any pounds, but I have gained knowledge about myself, and I have gained muscle. I have learned a lot about how far I can push myself, and that I am not going to die if I speed up the treadmill and raise my weights by a few numbers. I might be sore for a few days, but the next time I go to work on myself it's easier, and I feel stronger. It's not enough to just work out and continue living my life as normal. I have had to change the way I eat, and the way I think about myself. It's been easier to exercise than to eat right all the time. I have so many addictions, and I feel out of control if I give into my temptations. I know that it is my choice to eat all of those bad carbohydrates, but it's also my choice to eat veggies instead. The feelings I have toward myself are improving. My self-esteem is much better. I know that if I keep working on this I will succeed and reach my goal.
So for now I am done with the 8 week program, but it's just the beginning of a healthy life for myself.

Solar Plexus

I have been self sabotaging myself for too long. Everything that I have done lately I have been punishing myself for, even though I am working out; I feel bad that I have let everything else around me "take the back seat". I have also stopped taking my vitamins, drinking water, and getting the healing work that I so desperately need. I feel like I have neglected my son and boyfriend, because all of my focus has been on loosing weight. So I have 3 more days left to this challenge, and I have let my power drop, and I stopped pushing myself. I am going to have to do this on my own from now on. What if I didn't self sabotage and I continued to work out, the weight would probably just fall off.

It's Tuesday

It's another day, and I missed my 6am class again. The storm last night kept me up and I fell asleep again right before my alarm went off! But I do plan on getting some good exercise in today. I am going to take a walk with my dog Jade, and burn some calories! I have been comforting myself with the some sweets the last couple of days.

wake up call

Sometimes things happen to wake us up from our monotonous routines, and from our way of thinking. It's easy to take life for granted, and this last weekend I had a major life changing experience. My father had a heat stroke and his heart failed; he has a history of high blood pressure caused from eating unhealthy, laying around, and stress. I can't change how he lives, but I can change how I live. It's important to live each day as if it is the last, I have heard that before, but I get stuck in a routine, and I often forget how precious each day is. I am taking this experience and turning it into something positive for myself. I have found my motivation. I want to be around for my family, and now it's not even about getting slimmer, it's about making my body as healthy as it can be.

What a week

Well with only a week and a half left to go; leave it to my body to malfunction. Monday I strained my foot and now I am very limited on my workout routine. I am so disappointed in my body; here I am trying to move forward and get healthy, and my knee goes out one week, my shoulder last week, and now my foot...what is next? I can still do Pumptime on Monday and Tuesday, Yoga will be ok next week, but the cardio is going to have to wait because I can't have any high impact on the foot. I could try swimming next week? It's just so frustrating that I am always taking one step forward and two steps back; I feel like Paula Abdule!

So last week I only worked out a couple of days, and this week I will only make it to two classes. Next week is the last week of boot camp, and I have not come close to meeting my goal. I am really trying hard not to get discouraged because I have entered a life of movement, and I know I have lost some inches and gained muscle tone, so I keep thinking about that. BUT, why haven't I lost any weight? I haven't been eating terrible, I do give myself free days, and I haven't cut out sweets entirely, but with all of the added exercise I should have at least dropped a couple of pounds.

So I need to make an action plan! I would really like to take some cooking classes, does anyone know where I can do that? I want to learn how to cook healthy food, and possibly break the cycle of junk food in this house. How can I get my son and boyfriend to eat healthy, so that it will be easier for me to eat healthy? It's so easy to stop at McDonalds and grab a happy meal, or order a pizza when I am running low on energy or time. When school starts I will have even less time to prepare healthy meals. Does anyone want to trade for cooking classes??

A dear friend said something to me yesterday that really struck a chord with me. She said, "you have your emotions in a cage, and if it's not in your plans to have certain emotions then you don't let them out without a note from mom" (Or something like that). I do keep my emotions in check, and under control, and I am really good at holding them in. I would like to be more outspoken about my feelings, especially at home, but I don't really know how to communicate them without an explosion. I do feel like if I can just be honest with my feelings, and learn how to let go....I will drop the excess baggage; the extra weight will fall off. I guess I feel like negative emotions should not be expressed because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. If I don't have anything nice to say, I don't say anything at all. Apparently that's not working for me. What to do?

Big weekend ahead of me, lots of temptation...baby shower, and bachelorette party! It's really going to be a test of my will power with all of the junk around. So wish me luck!

It's a Monday

What a day! I was not a happy camper this morning when I woke up; I was a grumpy girl :) Even though I was in a blue mood, I still stuck with my program, so that I am proud of. I did feel better after my workout this afternoon; it's all about those endorphins! My mood has improved, and I think that I feel like I am in a place now that I can keep going. It's a scary to think that I am 2 weeks away from finishing this Boot Camp, and I feel like I still have so far to go. Jen has given me a lot of tools and I know that I will continue to go to the gym on a regular basis, but I worry that I will not have the motivation to keep going every day. I would love to sign up for another 8 week round, but since I am starting back to school, the schedule just doesn't work in my favor. I will need to create my own schedule, I think the early mornings are going to be the only time I will have available. I would really like to take up swimming; I feel like I could get a really good cardio workout without putting so much stress on my joints. Since I started this program I have had my knees get weak (which is no surprise), I have strained my shoulder, and today I strained my foot...I am getting old at my young age! So swimming seems like a logical thing to get involved with, and I will add some weight training in there as well. I hate the treadmill and I really don't like the bike, so swimming and walking are my best options. I like that the Y has dance classes available, and I can take all the Yoga classes I can.
So it's just the motivation that I need to hold onto..the rest will fall into place.

Balance

I took the rest of the week off from my exercise program, it just didn't work out for me to go this week. I did stay active though; I went on walks, danced, and deep cleaned my apartment. I am afraid that I am loosing motivation to go work out. I feel really good when I am there, and after I am done, but I also feel like it's taking up a lot of my spare time. I wish that there were more 6am classes so that I could have the rest of my day to accomplish all of my goals. There isn't enough time in the day. After this boot camp is over; I am going to have to push myself to get motivated to go to the gym every morning at 6am, even in the winter. It's really tough to make time for myself sometimes, especially when there is so much to be done. I have been feeling like the rest of my life is becoming sort of cluttered because I am putting all of my effort, and energy into this program.
I know how important exercising is, and I know that I am benefiting physically from it, but at the cost of having a messy house, and no time with my family. So I am going to finish this program, and then begin my own routine. I feel really frustrated with myself because I haven't been able to find balance with my life. How am I supposed to make it all work?

Getting Closer

My internet was acting up yesterday so I wasn't able to update.
I felt lost in my workout yesterday. I didn't feel like I was pushing myself hard enough and I started to feel kind of sad about it. I feel like I have been working so hard, and I just haven't seen big enough results. I know there are a lot of changes happening, I can feel a shift, but I also feel like I am not letting go of the weight fast enough.
I will keep working, and I will not give up.
I did hurt my shoulder yesterday, maybe I thought that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough, and then ended up pushing myself too far.
In the next year I will be down to at least 170, that was where I was before I got pregnant 5 years ago.
Today, I just feel....blah....Im not excited, and I am not down...just blahhh....

End of week 5

I have been slacking on writing this blog every day.
Yesterday I cut a minute off of my mile! I am the only one that walks in the class; everyone else runs. So on my lonesome walk I was really feeling let down by my body; it's not fair that everyone else can run, jump, and ride bikes. I don't know why my knees have to be so bad, and I envy people that can do those things without feeling joint pain. I understand that walking is great cardio, but I just can't help wanting to be able to run with the rest of the group. My wise friend once told me that having knee pain was because I am afraid to move forward. But right now I am facing that I and I am ready to move forward, and I feel like I am moving forward. Soon; my knees will feel stronger, but I don't know if I will ever be able to run and jump.
I do see a shift in my body, and my mind. It's just beginning to take form right now, and I predict that in a year; I will see myself in a completely different way. My guess is 50-70 lbs less in a year, and maybe more if I keep up the hard work.

Day 27 &28

I was to tired yesterday after Pumptime that I could not even attempt to write the blog; I apologize for that. Today...Pumptime really kicked my booty. After yesterday's arm work and squat track; I really didn't think I was going to make it! I did the best I could, and though I took a few rests, at least I finished the class. So, after a hard early morning workout; I was driving along Ashworth Rd, and I over estimated how much gas was left in my car. Charlie (my car) putted around the corner and stalled on me 3 miles from my house. So not only did I get a kick ass workout at Kees Camp, I then had to trot along 3 miles since I decided that I would leave my purse and phone at home this morning. I would say that I got my exercise today!
I am starting to see results, and I like it! My double chin is disappearing, and I have a waist! I tried on my bridesmaid dress yesterday and it about fell off of me :) My clothes are fitting better, and the best thing is that I am less winded when I go up and down my stairs. I like having more energy and the adrenaline and endorphins aren't bad either!!
I am glad that I am keeping track of my success on this blog, it really helps me to look back and see how far I have come in just 5 weeks.

Day 24, 25, and 26

Woops, I have been a busy girl the last few days.
Things are getting easier, and by the way, I shaved off a minute off of my mile! (walked mile :)) I am waiting for Jen to locate my missing measurements from the beginning of the 8 weeks so that I can see how many inches, if any I have lost. I remember my chest and hips, and when I measured them; I had lost an inch off of my chest and I think it was 2 inches from my hips?? We will see; I hope by next week. I think I am going to try on a dress that was a little snug on me to see how it's fitting, that might give me some idea.
I have noticed a huge difference in my attitude since I started this. I am so much more positive about everything in my life. Yesterday I was driving by myself, and I felt so happy! I decided to put a big smile on my face, and when I did that I started laughing because I was so happy. There wasn't anything that triggered it; I just had the warmth in my stomach. It felt strange for a second because I don't know that I have ever had that feeling without looking forward to something, or seeing someone. I did embrace it, and I am still feeling that way today. It's like having a wine buzz without the wine! Have any of you ever felt this way?
I like being happy :)

Day 23

I am officially 1/2 way done with the 8 week Boot Camp. I am a little disappointed with my weight right now. I am trying to let go of the numbers, but when I get on the scale 3 1/2 weeks into this; I am a little let down by the fact that my numbers have not moved. I have been working so hard, and I feel like I am getting nowhere. I haven't been measured yet, and I am hopeful that there will be some differences there, because that is where it really matters. My diet is getting better, I still have slip ups now and again, but it is getting better. I need to have more cardio in my daily life. I was walking 3 miles a day, and since I have started the program I have missed out on that. I think I should add that back in.
So checking in at the half way mark...other than the numbers....I am feeling like I have a lot more energy, and I feel like I am a lot closer to being able to do one full push up. Mentally I have come a long way; my attitude has improved and I am thinking more positively about my life. I am working on freeing my mind from all of my walls that I have build, and I am letting go of all of the things tha I have held onto...at least I am trying.
I feel happier, and I am really loving this new way of life.
Until Tomorrow....

Day 21

2 work outs today! I had to make up for missing Saturday and Sunday. I went to the gym this morning and played a game of horse, rode the recumbent bike for 10 minutes, then lifted weights. After I got home I was contemplating my 12:00 Pumptime class at Kees Camp, and I decided that I didn't work out hard enough at the gym. I was really glad I went. Jen kicked it into gear today, and I was grunting all the way through the class. Very funny!
I made some progress with my confidence this weekend. My friend was throwing a house warming party, and there was a great funk band playing. They wanted me to get up and sing, and although I was hesitant to get up; I did. I have NEVER been able to sing on command, and I have always had a lot of anxiety about singing in front of small groups of friends. It's not that I am not confident in my singing ability, but it's more about the words that come out. I have always felt like if I am not prepared; I will fail. So with a couple of drinks, and some boosts from my friends; I finally conjured up enough gusto to get up there and sing with them. I overcame a lot in those 2 songs, and they weren't anything spectacular, but I still enjoyed it.
I like that I am starting to feel stronger, I still haven't lost any weight, but that's what I get for giving myself a 'free day'.
Live Strong!

Day 18

I almost didn't make it to my class this morning! I woke up at 5:38am and I rushed to the studio to work out. I didn't make Monday or Thursday's class, and I wont be able to make it on Saturday. I have a membership to the Y, but I feel a lot better when I work out with a group, and an awesome trainer; that keeps me motivated. Maybe I should just go, and stop acting like a chicken!
Today's workout was BRUTAL! I was that only one grunting my way through it, and I felt like I was going to pass out! Every rep I tried to remind myself that this wont always be so painful, and once I build up more muscles the exercises will be easier.
I think that some of my judgments about myself are cause by all of the judgments that I hear from other people. I don't understand why the American society is so stuck on being skinny and beautiful. My whole life I grew up thinking that I wasn't good enough, or pretty enough because I didn't look like the models, or actresses on television. I used to spend hours in front of the mirror doing my makeup and hair, and I would try to make everything perfect. I was never satisfied with the outcome, and I would always compare myself to other women/girls. Sometimes I just wish that people would stop being so fake! It's not about what I look like; it's about how I feel, right? I need to let all of that self judgment go; I feel like I can't breathe with all of this self doubt surrounding me.
I can look within myself and find the person that I want to be, I just need to learn how to set her free.

Day 17

I wish that there was more time in the day. I haven't been able to make it to two classes this week and I can feel it! My body feels bad, I never thought that I would see the day when I would miss working out, but I do! I feel tired, and lazy!
I was thinking today about cleaning out my house, and in a way I will be cleaning out the mess in my head. I think that there is too much clutter in both houses!! I wish that I had a garage to store all of my things in. So my goal next week is to de-clutter! It's time to get organized. I feel like the way that my house looks is a reflection of my mind right now. Everything is so jumbled up and crazy like!! A couple of months ago, I would have really been stressing out about the way my house looks, but right now I know it's all apart of the process. It's all connected.
In time I know I will find balance, and I hope that it comes soon.
Thanks for reading...ta ta for now!

Day 16

Yoga was great today, I can feel my body getting stronger. I think that the motions are getting easier, but my legs don't like to move from under me! I get stuck when I try to go from Downward Dog to Crescent Lung. When I was in resting pose; I started to think about some of the things from my past that caused me to become addicted to food, and the television. I started to think about being left at home by myself after school, and feeling like I was never good enough to have friends, or to go even deeper, to have my dad around. I have forgiven him for things that he isn't aware that he did, and I am past that, but maybe I am still holding on to those feelings of loneliness. I have to let it go, I don't need that feeling anymore. I am ready to move on.
I think that I could use a 'sacred space' for myself. Somewhere I can go to meditate, or just be with my own thoughts. I am always surrounded by noise, and people. I love my people, but I could use a break now and again. I used to write music all of the time, the creativity just flowed out of my mind. Since I had my son five years ago, I haven't writing anything. I have just been so busy, or when I do have time to myself, I spend it spacing out. I need to tap into my creativity again. I want to write my own songs, or even just poetry again. I feel like I have lost a lot of myself in the last few years. I really enjoy singing, dancing, and listening to music, but I just feel like I don't have as much of it in my life as I would like.
So in this reinvention of myself, I need to bring a little of the 'old' Melodie back.

Day 15

It's nice to get back into the swing of things, this mornings workout felt great! I was extremely tired afterward and passed out on the couch. I could really tell that I missed a few days though. My arms felt like there was a flame thrower directed towards my shoulders, and I was so shaky! I just have to keep reminding myself that it's worth it, all of this hard work is so worth it!
I just watched a video that someone took of my band last Thursday, and again, I was disappointed to see the reality of what I look like! I really don't want to look like that anymore, it's not who I am. It's really no wonder why all of my joints are stressed out! They have so much weight bearing down on them all day long, then when I add dancing and standing to the mix, it becomes incredibly painful.
Jen helped me out today with my knees, but dang, they are still so fragile! I can feel them moving around and grinding against the bones. It is not the most pleasant thing to go through. Then again, either is looking at a video of me dancing around in front of hundreds of people looking the way I do.
I know I shouldn't get down on myself, and I know that what I am doing right now is helping, but the slap of reality really hurts. I am embarrassed. I honestly don't want to get up in front of people anymore. So even though I feel better that I have gotten back on track, I am taking a step back with my confidence. Arg!

Day 14

I can tell that I have taken 4 days off from working out. My eating habits are terrible, and I feel lazy. I will get back into it tomorrow, but my knees are so achy right now, and I am worried that they are going to go out on me. I have had knee problems since I was 16 years old; I broke my knee cap at a concert, and then when that got better, the other knee decided it was too weak to stand, and dislocated on me. They would both randomly go out on me; one after the other, and it started to take a toll on the joint. Over the last 15 years, I have battled with knee pain, dislocations and the atrophy that has occurred. I know that when I loose weight I will have a better chance at avoiding surgery. I am not going to let them stop me from moving forward with my exercise routine, it just means that I need to be careful.
Since I have been changing things within me; I have also decided to start changing my bad housekeeping habits. It's terrible how messy my house can get when I take a break from cleaning. A cluttered house is a reflection of a cluttered mind. I want to be balanced in all of the areas of my life.
Balance!

Day 11 & 12

I find that when I work out, I eat healthy, and when I miss a day or two of exercising, I don't make good food choices. I have been so busy the last couple of days, and I have had not been eating healthy. I am bound to fudge up now and again, but I really feel cruddy.
I hope that the weather is nice tomorrow so that I can go to Yoga on the Lawn at the West Des Moines City Hall. I really need to work off this junk and alcohol that I have consumed. I really don't want to put myself through this again. My face feels greasy! I feel heavy and tired!

Day 10

I am feeling so good! Jen was talking to me today during Zumba, she said I look like I have dropped a lot in my shoulders. It's true, I have been letting go of all of the weight that I have been holding onto..emotionally and physically. I have always carried the weight of the world on my shoulders, and since I have been working out, I have allowed myself to let it all go. Zumba is the perfect workout for that, I can just shake it all out!
I can't keep carrying all of these worries, why shouldn't I just let them all go? Am I afraid to loose control of myself if I am not worried about getting everything right? If I continue to let fear control me, then I will never be able to move on. I shed all of my fear, and I am willing to let fate have it's way with me. I refuse to hide behind this wall that I built any longer. I will not make excuses for the way I look. As I write this, I can feel my power chakra blazing in my belly!
Today is a powerful day, I can feel the changes that I am making taking the proper course.

Day 9

What a beautiful day! The sun is shining on us all!
I was expecting to wake up as sore as I was last week, and I have to say, I feel great! I was looking forward to Yoga Sculpt today, it's a really nice compliment to the rest of the workouts! I was impressed at how much I have already improved in one week. My body has finally learned how to sweat, I had it dripping in my eyes, and I was drenched when we were done. I used to work out at the gym for hours and I would barely be able to sweat, even a little. So this is a new development!
Diet has been doing better, I could use some toning up on that. It's really hard to eat right all of the time, especially when I live with 2 piggies! Todd and Isaac can eat anything they want, and they would rather eat pizza than green beans, but I sit alone with my healthy meal while they get to engorge in delicious greasy foods. That is a huge challenge for me. I will say, that since I have been working out I have not been craving sweets and junk as much as I thought I would. I actually feel like I am eating for fuel. I would like to take a cooking class sometime, so I can learn how to use fresh foods in my meals.
Emotionally, I am feeling better. Focusing on myself is new to me, and I am learning how to keep balance with everything.
Thats all for today...I am feeling tired from all of the sun :)
~Much Love

Day 8

Day 8, 38 more days to go!
I have been trying to say at least one positive thing about myself every day, because I found myself being really negative last week. I had a shock of reality, and instead of thinking ahead and focusing on what is to come; I was focusing on all of the bad choices I had made that got me to where I am. No more of that! Geese!! I thought I was going to have a breakdown! So from now on, whenever I start to call myself 'fat' and 'ugly' I am going to cancel the thought and replace it with something more on the sunny side of things.
I got on the scale, 237 lbs! I am happy that I lost 3 lbs in a week, but really, it's not about the weight. I want to loose inches, and feel energized and healthy. I want to start being more active with Isaac (my 5 year old). It would be nice to run around with him; instead of sitting on the bench. I want to set a better example for him, and show him that there is a lot more to life than watching TV and playing video games. For the most part; this is about me, but it is also about Isaac.
This morning was Pumptime Express! 45 minutes of cardio pumping goodness! I like these 6am workouts, they get me energized for the whole day! I don't know if I will have much use of my arms later, but in the end, it will be worth it. I thought it was really funny when we were rowing with the bar bell, every time I would bring the bar up, it would crash into my gut....more motivation to hold that belly in! I am also finding out how much stronger my left side is than my right; holy cow! My right pectoral and my biceps are on FIRE!!!
I feel great, and now I have the rest of the day to take on!
Until tomorrow......

Day 7

Sorry I missed yesterday, something was wrong with the blogger! So I will sum it up...it was a free day and I enjoyed every bite of that Little Debbie Fancy Cake!
Today, after 2 1/2 cups of coffee I was ready for the day! I knew that Booty Camp was at the end of it, so I was excited to go work out. (did I really just say I was excited?) I made a delicious pizza today! Whole grain crust, pizza sauce, fresh mushrooms, artichoke hearts, chicken breast, and fresh mozzarella ( I didn't need to use very much of that!) topped with oregano and black pepper. I will say that I had 4 small slices..but if filled me up for the whole day. This made me nervous as the class time came nearer, I have worked out on a full stomach before, and it's not very fun!
Booty Camp kicked my butt! I have never done so many lunges in my life~and then adding in the medicine ball was another challenge. Lunge after Lunge!!!! I am going to have nightmares about them! I feel good, my endorphins have kicked in! However; it's time for a shower!
I also wanted give you all a big thank you for all of the support that you have been giving me...you have no idea how much it's helping.
Ta Ta!

Day 5

I feel guilty that I can't make it to the class today; it's okay to take a couple of days off, isn't it?
I will stick to my low cal ingestion; I am trying to stay away from the 'D' word. This morning I had a salmon fillet, scrambled eggs, cinnamon and raisin english muffin, and blueberry juice. So far so good.
Emotionally, I am a mess. There is so much going on with my self esteem. I have had a hard hit of reality since I have been forcing myself to look in the mirror. It's really hard to face what I have become, in my mind I was something completely different, and now I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. It's all changing for the good, and I am aware that this is just a part of the process. I have to free my mind of these blocks, but when I look in the mirror, I am reminded of them.
So for today, I am going to work on saying positive things about myself.
Ta Ta For Now

Day 4

Happy Friday!
Gluts, Guts, and Glory! Well, I felt the gluts, I felt the guts...the glory....well I am sure that will come with time. We started at 6am, bright and early on this muggy Iowa day. I had a really hard time waking up this morning, but I had to remind myself why I am doing this over and over to get my ass out of bed. I was very intimidated by this class, as the areas of focus, are my areas of weakness.
With my body engaged in the exercise, I couldn't keep my butt off the ground..I kept trying to lift it off of the floor, but gravity got the better of me today. So with grunts and legs a'fire, I pushed through, laughing all the way. After the first 30 minutes, Jen was very excited for the 'run' around the block...the 1 mile long track, smiling; I joined the group. I started jogging, and as everyone passed me, I found a new goal. I want to be able to run a mile by the end of this journey. I had to walk for the majority of this run; due to my knees being weak, but walking alone allowed me some time to reflect.
Even when running the mile was a requirement in school, I was never able to push myself to run the entire thing. I believe my best time was 10 minutes. I was also never able to do a single push up, or pull up. I remember my Jr. High gym teacher telling me that if I don't do it now, I will never be able to. Now I realize what she was talking about; it wasn't that I would never be physically able to accomplish this, it was that I was not able to mentally push myself to achieve it.
So with 4 days down, 42 more to go, I am feeling tired, and ready for a nap. I also find myself fantasizing about pizza, Mmmmmmm! Can I have a free day? And if I give myself a free day, will I binge? After all of the hard work that I put in this week, I really don't want to ruin it with bad food choices. Please talk me out of it!
Have a fantastic Friday everyone!

Day 3

ZUMBA! This class was exactly what I needed! I was feeling very tired after the last 2 work outs, and now I have a ton of energy! I was laughing at myself, and shakin everything that I have...even the parts that I try to keep still. Why not let go and have some fun?
My diet has been great so far today, and I am really feeling good about myself.
I was people watching earlier and I saw this woman who was in very good shape walk by. I started to say, " I wish I looked like that" and as I realized what I was saying I changed my thought to a more positive one and said, " One day when I look like that, I will be able to wear really cute clothes."
I have to change the way that I think about myself, I have to be a lot more positive. My life is only going to change if I change my way of being.
Today was a good day!
Talk to you tomorrow!

Day 2

Happy Wednesday!
I woke up this morning and I felt like my legs and arms were on FIRE!! Holy Cow, so the first thought that ran through my head was, "how the heck am I going to make it through another day!" Then I remembered the 'before' picture that I regretfully decided to take yesterday, and that will motivate me for the rest of my life. I had a completely different view of myself; maybe I was in denial, but I really didn't think I had gotten this bad. The image of my stretched out belly is forever burned in my head! There is my motivation.
I ate really well today, lots of water, 7 grain Kashi cereal with organic milk, and a cup of blueberry Naked juice. For lunch I had a grilled chicken breast, cottage cheese, and Brussel sprouts. Dinner was a Subway sandwich..Sub Club on honey wheat with all the veggies, no cheese, and light mayo. So I feel good about what I ingested.
Today at Beach Body Boot Camp, I took the Yoga Sculpt class. This was a huge challenge for me, as I was already in pain from yesterday. I pushed through it, and as the hour went on, I was feeling more and more like I was going to collapse. By the 25th push up...(the girl kind) I was almost in tears. But I persevered and I made it through the class.
I felt angry that I have let myself get to this point. I think it's disgusting to look in the mirror at myself and see this sagging body. I let myself get this way, and it's my job to get myself healthy again. I am just looking forward to the day when I actually feel good when I wake up.
Thanks for listening...if anyone is.
Have a blessed nights rest!

Day 1

Current weight: 240lbs
Today was the first day of my lifestyle change. The last 29 years of my life have been filled with yummy sugar treats, indulgence, and laziness. I joined up with Jen Kees for her Beach Body Boot Camp. It's an 8 week exercise program, every day will be a challenge! Today was pumptime Express, armed with a barbell that had a total of 15lbs on it. I have lifted weights before, but never in an aerobic routine. My body was shaking for an hour after. I suppose this is good, and I should be thanking Jen for encouraging me to do this for myself. I don't know if I will feel so positive as the week goes on.
So why put this pressure on my body, and mind? I have been overweight since I was 10 years old. My max weight was 290lbs when I was pregnant, and now 5 years later, I am still battling with the weight that I put on. I am addicted to sugar, and television, and I fear that I am setting a bad example for my son. I am tired of getting winded going up a flight of stairs, and I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing what I have become. I feel absolutely gorgeous inside; I am a kind person, and I love to take care of other people. I have a great boyfriend who loves me for all that I am, and I have all the support in the world. The only thing that has been holding me back has been myself, I am my worst enemy.
So this is going to be an amazing journey for me. I am finally taking care of myself.
Take Care!