Day 15

It's nice to get back into the swing of things, this mornings workout felt great! I was extremely tired afterward and passed out on the couch. I could really tell that I missed a few days though. My arms felt like there was a flame thrower directed towards my shoulders, and I was so shaky! I just have to keep reminding myself that it's worth it, all of this hard work is so worth it!
I just watched a video that someone took of my band last Thursday, and again, I was disappointed to see the reality of what I look like! I really don't want to look like that anymore, it's not who I am. It's really no wonder why all of my joints are stressed out! They have so much weight bearing down on them all day long, then when I add dancing and standing to the mix, it becomes incredibly painful.
Jen helped me out today with my knees, but dang, they are still so fragile! I can feel them moving around and grinding against the bones. It is not the most pleasant thing to go through. Then again, either is looking at a video of me dancing around in front of hundreds of people looking the way I do.
I know I shouldn't get down on myself, and I know that what I am doing right now is helping, but the slap of reality really hurts. I am embarrassed. I honestly don't want to get up in front of people anymore. So even though I feel better that I have gotten back on track, I am taking a step back with my confidence. Arg!